Soyuzmultfilm
Sovinterfest
Mister Pronka
Based on "Pronka the Dirty" ("Pronka Greznoy") by Boris Shergin
screenwriters Leonid Nosyrev, Yuriy Koval
director Leonid Nosyrev
art director Vera Kudryavtseva
music Yevgeniy Botyarov
camera Nataliya Mihaylova
sound Boris Filchikov
montage Olga Vasilenko assistant dir. T. Galkina
animators Marina Voskanyants, Anatoliy Abarenov, Galina Zebrova,
Yelena Malashenkova, Marina Rogova, Iosif Kuroyan, Aleksandr Markelov
voiced by Yevgeniy Leonov, Anatoliy Barantsev, Aleksandr Pyatkov,
N. Kurnakov, G. & K. Vats, Klara Rumyanova, T. Ananchenko,
Olga Golovanova, German Kachin, V. Strelnikov
Gypsy music & choir: A. Kvik, Al. & An. Buzyleva, R. Verbitskiy, Ye. Syrkin
artists Svetlana Davydova, Irina Svetlitsa, Lyubov Gorelova,
Nikolay Mitrohin, Marina Ignatenko, I. Yeremeyev, N. Alferova, S. Barmina,
S. Loginova, M. Sikanova, I. Dymich, Olga Belogolovaya, V. Belova, N. Ozerskaya
script editor Natalya Abramova
production director Yelena Vasina
The Unbelievable Story of Pronka the Dirty,
Of an American bet,
Of the tsar's familial debt,
Of a cowboy's younger brothers looking alike,
Of their older brother, rich as Klondike.
Hello, folks of all sorts, practical or not.
Sober of tipsy, Modest or risk-takers,
Junior or senior, Potbellied or skinny;
Come up to the box-show to hear the story and behold
Open up your eyes wide, Clear your ears inside,
Bow your head to watch the panorama set.
And pay some money -
Pay a copper dime to get a showtime
For a silver coin or more...
you'll be served with respect and honor,
In a faraway kingdom,
In the United States country
across the sea, across the ocean...
behind the islands in motion
behind the banana trees
lived the brothers-Americans
And now you can see...
America -
called the Western miracle.
This is the Statue of Freedom
which stands at the entrance to America's homeland
It welcomes and bids farewell and wishes everybody well.
And here is a house that scrapes the sky
In which lives the brother, rich as Klondike
He's chilling out on the veranda waiting for his younger brothers.
And the younger brothers, dashing cowboys,
driving cows right, hitting saloons at night
He will now speak so let me translate quick
John, Pete, come over. I have a business proposal I want to talk about.
While health and energy allow, I'd like to see the world and be seen...
I will not come back home until my name is well-known.
How can you leave us? How can you forsake us?
We are tall in height but small in mind.
We are useless and dumb can't distinguish day from night.
Sounds like you two would fall to pieces, listening to you!
Pack your bits and pieces you'll assist me on the road
Dear brother-benefactor, if it's not a secret, on which country are you set?
- We're gonna go to Russia. - That's great!
I'm thinking to visit some Russian towns
I'm changing the slides in the machine so we can see some new pictures
So this thing is called an aeroplane
It is steered by the older American
He's flying fast to Russia at last
The aeroplane leaves Europe behind Its course for Russia is assigned
And here, take heed, St. Petersburg lies, Full of fashionable dames and... flies.
HOTEL
HELLO
Hello peasants! Welcome to our humble abode! [HAVU DUYU VDU]
So now the gentlemen are in an intourist hotel.
Sometimes they're clean and comfortable to stay in.
This picture is a calendar.
On it are the tsar's daughters, and also the tsar.
Let's ask the tsar for their hands.
Maybe we're lucky in these lands.
Why would we need those Americans? Shepherds and kettlemen, ha!
They should propose to our cooks. The likes of those would be agreeable!
- Ciao! - Adios! - Good-bye!
Our choir sings to you, our darling.
And wine pours like rain.
Our beloved paid us a visit!
Our dear American.
My years are old and my hair is grey.
No children, no wife. Drinks and food can't exhaust my fortune.
I need to make a wonder happen to surprise the whole world.
Straight from America I came on a green spade.
The spade got broken, But I'm still here walking,
American shoes made of straw and screws.
Easy to walk on. Easy to run on.
Buy some right now! Great prices, wow!
And this gentleman is from a trading clan.
Souvenirs he sells, being loud as church-bells
So for this is due some American value
Here, drink to the health of America!
Will do!
- How are you named, mister? - Me? Pronka is the name I'm cursed with.
Pronka, Pronka. OK, Pronka. You come to the intourist hotel, alright?
Yes, sir.
Auf Wiedersehen, sirs!
I've noticed, Mr. Pronka, that you are a man of business.
So I offer you to make an American bet.
Deal!
I, an American citizen, take... How do you call it?
...take on a lease of the shopping arcade on main street,
supply it with essential goods, and assign it to you for use.
you trade, turn out capital... and drink it away, and eat it away.
For this, you, precious Mr. Pronka...
for 15 years, must not wash, trim, shave...
blow your nose, nor even change your clothes. OK?
There's a bet to stun your ears - To live in filth for 15 years!
Okie-dokie!
My trustees will be watching you.
Should you endure, all assets will become yours.
But if you even once wipe your face with a sleeve,
you'll be thrown out barefooted right onto main street.
Filth is not grease - Just rub once, and you're clean!
I agree!
Well, Pronya, just hold out. A new life begins now.
Keep on watching, dear lot: what a shop Pronka got!
This is a flying ship called by people "Dirigibe"
Goods from America it brought - Here it's unloading the whole lot.
Our compatriots are rushing in to get imported goods within.
PRONKA COOP SHOPPING CENTER
That's how our lucky man started trading
The days came and went.
During those early years, Pronka slept 2-3 hours a day.
Receiving goods, selling goods, bending over backwards to trade.
In 5 years he built a stone house with an iron roof.
In 10 years every town had a Pronka store.
And every village had a trading booth.
Day after day. Year after year Pronka became hairy as a beast
an astonishing monster
His face and hands were blacker than his boots.
Hair like a mane, and his beard a complete mat.
Rain falling on his head in summer was the only washing he had.
But the trustees are right on the spot.
They take pictures of Pronka at every step.
And those tricky twins
hang sanitary posters on the walls [CLEANLINESS BEGETS HEALTH]
to tempt him to get clean.
My, oh my, I can't stand lice anymore.
Ah, I don't give a damn about this American bet!
All I want to do is bathe!
Ah, leave it! Filth is not grease.
Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
You see? Sings like a cockerel. Lice bites itch like hell...
Pronka became a renowned merchant
Everybody was in debt to him. Even the tsar himself borrowed thousands.
In 12 years Pronka had a full box of debt-papers from the tsar.
That's the power the simple man had by now.
- Be so kind, Your Majesty! - Ah, what a fiend!
Only of the big American is our businessman afraid.
Monthly the Americans take a picture of him with their camera.
Measure the layers of filth and count the lice
Yearly he publishes the results on Pronka.
In American cinemas he shows Pronka's life.
and never once did Pronka go off course.
Suddenly a neighboring state threatened war against the tsar
Bejabbers! Mustached invaders!
Hankering after our sovereignty!
This mustachioed Swede is preparing for the tsar an unpleasant gift.
What a perky one He hit me right on the crown.
Just you wait, mustachioed hooligan!
And now friends, look! [PEAS]
Our tsar, much offended, Sends his foe a gift splendid.
Hurray!
Trishka, pull me down! Softly!
No visitors! I'll be busy!
Yes, father tsar!
Hold it down, you idiot!
Yes, father tsar!
Hello, hello! Pronka, my dear fellow, how are you?
This is your majesty calling. Pronka, my angel, I've got here...
a neighboring state threatening war.
Please lend me half a dozen millions for military expenses.
We must renovate fortresses, build aeroplanes
to make attack gasses and lots of other things
but the treasury is empty!
- Cannot be done, your majesty! - What?
You're already in debt deeper than the deepest sea
How dare you, you hopeless snot!
Willing or not, give me the money!
I'll grant the rank of a general to you if you desire!
We wouldn't even be attracted to the title of an earl.
But, to talk business...
I wouldn't mind to become a part of your family...
and call your daughter my wedded wife.
Your idea is as lousy as you are! Have a look in the mirror!
We looked in the mirror back at Christmas day....
and there was nothing wrong then!
You won't drive me into the abbyss instigator-traitor
Merciful God!
I've got three maidens, which one do you want?...
Whichever you like.
Well, at least get your portrait drawn,
big, with your face on it.
I will show it to them, maybe one would like to marry you.
Here, dear daughters, I have a future husband for you!
Of course, a rather distinctive old man by his looks,
But he's nevertheless a very rich businessman.
Now watch with both your eyes how they take this surprise.
Mommy...
Now, dear daughter, this man asking for your hand in marriage...
is a man of a peculiar fortune. Don't let it bother you that he's hairy.
He'll respect and adore you! Believe my words!
I spit -pough- from the highest tower
-pough- on "respect" and "adore".
You just provide me with a reference for how big his funds are,
how big his properties are and what's his interest in securities.
This reference is given to the Merchant of the First Guild...
Pronya the Dirty that...
Sister, dearest, father has gone mad!
He's forcing us to marry a shaggy monkey.
Let's run away to the farthest moors and hide in the deepest woods.
A pox upon you and your moors!
We will emigrate to America! Those Americans are still waiting for us!
He has estate property and 5% of its annual income...
Oh, that faraway land is full of sorrow and grief.
Go on, weep. Daddy's shaggy man can't wait to hug you.
Oh, I don't want to, I don't want to.
If you don't want to, then crawl out!
We'll give to the Americans our hearts and hands and tootle off overseas.
Let our silly sister hug with that shaggy dog.
Goodbye, little fools!
The case is clear to me. I agree.
So, daddy,
In a fortnight we'll make a wedding.
And on the wedding day, the public will see an unexpected surprise.
Now hear and watch the rest of the story...
At night they brought up a lorry,
put in the bags and girls in a hurry,
and off they went.
They got wedded at the Notre Dame de Paris,
Then set off for America speedily.
The Americans were happy to become kin to the tsar.
The daughters were happy to end up in America.
Heigh-ho, a certain someone was there no more.
Hey, dolt, stop!
Ah, hoity-toities, what are they up to?
Don't you ever dare to come back to Russia!
Flirting dissidents, I spit on you!
When the tsar found out that his daughters had run away...
...he scolded them only for the sake of decency.
Inside he was happy to have saved the wedding money.
What luck!
Our choir sings to you, our darling.
And the wine pours like rain
Our beloved paid us a visit!
Mister Pronka, dear friend!
Hello! Your boys are gone?
OK, mister Pronka, you win!
Give me five!
15 years have passed.
Thanks to God being kind And our stubbornness of mind.
I've stayed here too long. Better not wear out my welcome.
You'll get it in the neck at home, I guess, For staying 15 years in Russian lands.
In Russia, I lived carefree. In America, I'll be quite busy.
You're outstanding, Sam. You speak just like a Russian man!
Mr. Pronka, goodbye! Farewell!
Farewell, Sam! Goodbye, for the last time!
Here's a pleasant picture for Russian eyes [STORAGE SHED]
For Pronka, bathing time has arrived!
He's got pounds of flagrant soaps lying in stock.
Carts of scrubbers and besoms waiting for their time.
Copper wash-stands and marble basins standing all around the room
and stacked up to the ceiling were chests full of suits for winter,
summer, autumn, spring and other seasons
Next morning he rented the city bathhouses for two weeks
and invited 12 rubbers, 12 barbers
ROMAN BATH / SPECIAL BATH / TURKISH BATH
For a week Pronka was scraped with a scraper,
abraded with wood chips, leached with lye,
milled with 7 sorts of soap, rinsed.
LYE
For a week they cut him with garden shears, shaved and combed him,
ironed, curled, perfumed and pomaded.
On the wedding-day, 12 tailors made the tsars's groom's stiffened shirt fronts,
put him in a suit of the latest Parisian fashion,
lacquered gaiters, et cetera, et cetera.
When this gentleman showed up in public,
practically nobody recognized him.
And those who did, couldn't believe it.
He was handsome like in a picture.
Gallant, fat, red-faced and very attractive.
In your perfect youth I have found true love.
And my heart is burning only for you.
As for the wedding, 7 days they danced like a herd in spring
clapped their hands until they fell down on the floor
and still went on.
Kiss until it tastes bitter, Mr. Pronka!
Until it's bitter, Pronka, son-in-law!
Until it's bitter! Until it's bitter!
I'll crank some more my machine - Here's the last picture to be seen.
The American flies away in the aeroplane.
The tsar and Pronka are seeing him off...
and wishing him a smooth landing.
His landing was smooth, but he was not really welcome.
The American authority were mad at him...
for spending 15 years in Russia,
wasting so much money on a lousy peasant and losing his bet.
The president will now speak accusingly, and I will translate.
How can it be, he says, that for all these years...
...you couldn't tempt him to wipe off some snot even once?!
Don't you know that two persons of the imperial family...
...married Americans and accepted the American faith?
We're aware of that, and it's a great honor to us!
America is proud of those two fine fellows.
But these fine fellows are my brothers.
If it were not for me and my Pronka,
They'd never have taken a whiff of the tsar's daughters.
Mister Pronka - he's a Russian.
Mister Pronka - he's a Russian, For he's our good old friend.
You and we are friends forever!
You and we are friends forever, Mister Pronka, our dear friend!
To those who still are awake, I say: Adios!
I wouldn't want you folks to doze!
So here my friends, our story ends.
The End
Translated by Anna Evteeva, revised by Eus (Jul 2018) & Niffiwan (Aug 2024)